Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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