This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
