She's like a pop up book from hell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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