I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm sobbing to NWA
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
