Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
