Sober January is a disaster.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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