Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
