Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
