Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
