he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
