Apparently you make a good broom.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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