My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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