'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
