I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I don't deserve a penis
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
