I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
