remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
