I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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