some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
