In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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