im six kinds of drunk right now
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do vagina's smell?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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