Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
