I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
