I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
