You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
