Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
