They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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