My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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