I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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