I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
