Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
