in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
