The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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