summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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