I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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