I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
