I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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