My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
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