Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
