a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
