Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
