i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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