i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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