it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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