New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
