my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
