i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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