I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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