you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
