I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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