Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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