My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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