redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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