so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
