In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
